It starts with listening

I have the answer; I know exactly what you should do. Before the other person is even finished speaking, we blurt it out. You know what happens next?

Our perfect solution is perfectly useless and worse the speaker snaps: “You don’t understand!”

Listening can be one of the toughest things in the world because it requires the one thing we all lack, Patience. As Warren Buffett says, “It’s simple but not easy.”

Active listening is actually active understanding. Sometimes that’s all you need to do, just listen intently. The speaker will gain clarity by virtue of articulating their thoughts aloud. The inconsistencies will automatically be filtered out, all because of your quiet presence.

Seek clarity: If a thought doesn’t pass your high-standards of clarity then by all means seek clarity with pointed questions. Let the speaker explain and feel heard.

Summarise: Go one step further. Summarise what was said in your own words and understanding. When you hear the response “Exactly” you will know you are on the right track. Watch how the speaker feels relaxed and grateful.

Only when you have done all of this, should you dare to propose solutions- even professional counsellors don’t claim to be problem solvers, why should you. Our role as friends, family and well-wishers is to listen and prod and gently steer our loved ones in the right direction. It starts with listening #priceless

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How involved?

1You can sit with a glass of beer and enjoy a performance (from a distance).  Head home high and happy. The end!

Or, you  can become engaged and experience the fear, anxiety and sheer brilliance of  human effort. No longer are you an observer, but very much a part of the whole. Deep engagement that will leave you emotionally and physically exhausted, but fulfilled. You choose #priceless

The worth of love

“Am I worthy of her love?” a friend asked me. He didn’t think he was, after all she was smart, successful and stunning. And he wasn’t quite there yet- personally or professionally. Could he really stand in front of her boss or father with pride? It was a valid question.

“What if she turns into a failure?” I asked. “Would she be good enough for you?”

“It wouldn’t matter,” he said without a thought. “I like her for her kindness.”

There was his answer. He just needed to hear himself. Success and failure are inevitable. She, too, liked him for something more intrinsic. As long as he stays true to those values, the opinions of her boss, father and friends won’t matter. The real danger is losing himself in the quest for success.

And if you lose yourself, all the money, fame and power won’t be enough to keep her.  #priceless

Barefoot at Kovalam beach

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For a moment, I was worried, there were no words in my head. Would I return with an empty notebook? I shut my eyes and with darkness came the words. They didn’t need to be seen; they needed to be felt.

The sky turned into these breathtaking colours of purple and orange. I shut my eyes for a minute and when I opened them all the colours were gone. That’s life. We need to burn as bright as possible in the little time we have.

The guard kept trying to keep people away from the ocean as dusk set in. What a hopeless task he had. We will always be drawn to beauty.

There were so many happy looking couples here. I have always believed the ocean carries a charge. It brings people closer.

If you bring your woman to a beach, she will never fall out of love with you.

IMG_20171007_173048629I am a little vary of waves. They are beautiful and dangerous just like a woman I knew. You want to enjoy them but not too much.

IMG_20171007_183847099There is a lighthouse on top of the hill to guide fishermen back to the shore. We all need a lighthouse to guide us to our true values in rough weather.

Where do these words come from? I don’t quite know. Forget the world, shut your eyes and listen to something deep within.IMG_20171007_192237987.jpgA young married woman made a heart on the sand. I didn’t understand the point of it. The waves would wash it away, I thought. I couldn’t be more wrong. Love isn’t about how long it lasts, but how it feels in that moment.

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They waves they just keep coming to the shore and leaves nutrient-rich soil behind. Its a good template for life. Leave something useful behind, wherever you go.

 

 

Up close or far apart

You can enjoy a performance (sport, art, etc.) with a glass of beer an head home- high and happy. Nothing wrong with that.

Or, you can choose to become a part of the performance. Feel the fear, anxiety, and sheer brilliance of the process of creation or destruction. No longer, are you, an observer, but very  much an active participant. This deep engagement will leave you emotionally and physically spent. But fulfilled #Priceless